Tuesday

I killed another one. One that looked like someone I once knew. She walked into my yard while I was tying a bicycle to my fence (that's on my balcony). She stumbled in, her hair all matted up and she was missing an arm. Her hair looked the color of mud but once previously shown a bright red. I sighed and unsheathed my machete with a big sigh and jumped from the balcony. I landed on my feet, legs bent. She looked at me, confused, distant... like she might have known me once. I walked over, one hand gripping the machete and used my entire upper body to bring the machete down across her neck. Her body fell limp and the head of a girl I once desired rolled across my lawn. I sighed and went over to the head, it still wobbling and the mouth still moving. "Glad I never loved you." I huffed, as I gripped the thing by it's hair and tossed it in a pile I will be burning later this week. I drug her body across my lawn, her tight jeans now ripped and dirty. With each blink I remembered how I use to know her.

I've given a final death to ones I've missed much more. Once I piled her body on top of the mound of rotting flesh, I spat on her twice dead body for good measure. "Rest in hell." I said aloud, wrinkling my whole face in disgust. My voice seems weird these days.. to hear it aloud, I mean. It feels distant, like a friend I once knew. I took a deep breath and looked around. My world is in shambles, the whole idea of serenity is a joke. My road is less full of deceased. I haven't seen a nomad in weeks. I'm starting to think if I'm the only one on this big blue and green.

I haven't been writing a lot... I know. I actually lost power for two days and thought it'd never return... but it flickered on yesterday. I didn't even notice, I about shit myself when my fan started up. It's low hum sounded like a helicopter. My heart jumped just to plummet. Then I realized I could have the internet, once more... just maybe. I checked... still no news updates ANYWHERE... all of my old websites and a few new ones I've joined "after" still hold no new clue to what the outside world is up to. Just death... just death and decaying, walking, shambling idiots.

I caught myself brushing my teeth for a fourth time yesterday. I was making my gums bleed. There is something about knowing I might never see a dentist again that is really disturbing me. I can't shake it. I've accepted never seeing my mother... but not the dentist? This is when I realize I have serious problems. I'm the cleanest human being on the planet and I have a problem with brushing my teeth too much.

There, I said it.