Music

I miss music.

I never even realized how quiet it is. Well, as quiet as moans and screams in the middle of the night can be.

I guess I never was able to slow down long enough to notice. For the most part being quiet is a lifestyle these days. The kids even know what level of "not so quiet" they are allowed. The baby is nearly smothered to death with attention to keep her quiet. Everyone here keeps a mellow level of noise. When we get angry at each other it turns into an assertive whisper rather than yells. At first I liked it but now... now I'm just bored.

Is it allowed to be bored during the apocalypse? I guess this place has gotten me feeling safe and pillowy. Well, okay, there was a snag with the girls not too long ago but that was exciting in hindsight. It did get us all paranoid that since it happened basically under my nose and didn't hear it that maybe these apartments are too insulated. We all are required to sleep with our windows just barely cracked so we don't let the "human smell" out. We bury our human waste in a pit and try not to leave anything outside that has been recently used by us. (Cups, silverware, kids toys, etc) We try to make this place look deserted as possible. We don't want anyone to jump us in the middle of the night thinking they can take us over. That is why we have overnight watch. Those on overnight patrol can't even kill a zombie until morning if they don't seem to be of immediate danger to us.

We now have TWO people on shift at night. During the day while everyone is around we seem to have a better span of watching out for the shamblers but since craziness happened on the backside of the place we now have someone perched on my stoop every night. I just happened to be in the middle far back. Lucky me, right? I have to get use to a lot of new noises. I try to take as many shifts as possible just to give my space back. I'm becoming nocturnal. My night vision is much better and the sun beats down on me during the day like I'm a vampire. I still try to manage to meet for "community dinners" and lunches and the like. I have to show my face. I have to play normal. Sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm faking it but other times it's all I can do to not chop everyone up into little pieces and feed them to the hungry idiots outside of these gates.

Davis says I'm punishing myself. He says I shouldn't punish myself. It's not my fault, he says. But it is my fault. If Buffy and I hadn't started what we did she wouldn't have been out and about. I put her in the line of fire. I keep reminding myself is being around other humans is the key to surviving this. I don't want to become feral again. We all need companionship... no matter on what level. I guess Davis has stepped in as a close friend. We talk the most. Or at least he's the one I talk to the most out of the group. We can speak freely. It started when he came over to talk about his daughters. He sobbed. I watched a much other man cry into his hands like a little injured kid. Ever since then we've had a weird air around us. It's like our energies are linked-- if that makes any sense. It's not romantic by any stretch but we definitely have something going on that we didn't before. Lilly has noticed and has become more attached to Benny. I see their marriage crumbling before my eyes and it seems so normal. Even though there are zombies nipping at our heels there is still time for married-life qualms and secrets.

I keep telling Davis that I wouldn't mind telling Lilly. To save his marriage. I would take the blame for both daughters to save the angst and just clear the air. That I would take the heat. He refuses. He doesn't want me to possibly be kicked from the group. I tell him that it wouldn't happen that way because if I was the one bitten one of them would've killed me before I turned. It's the agreement. No suffering, no questions... just whack.... death. Real death.

Davis has started taking up with Krista. Both he and Lilly are doing the post apocalyptic divorce. The rings had been long taken off. In the beginning people were chopping off fingers of others to get to precious stones that are more worth paperweights these days. Anyone with sense removed all jewelry and either stored it safely or tossed it to the thieves before they could get close enough to cause harm. Our jewelry and social standard is what weapons you are carrying and how many. Instead of earrings it's a knife. Instead of diamonds it's a bullet belt. Instead of lavish necklaces it's a pick axe.

We are still held by the the same standards society has set up for us, just different. No one has really batted an eye at the adjustment. Krista has moved in with Davis and Lilly is a new sister wife. Since I've been sleeping through most days to me it seemed to happen simultaneously. Jeremy is annoyed about Krista but knows not to mess with Davis since he is a "founder". As a whole we feel that fighting amongst ourselves is a sure way to die in the teeth of our common enemy.

Comfort & Gossip

Buffy visits me at night. 

We, uhhh, get acquainted and then she goes back to her apartment that she shares with her group. 

Even though they have been brought into the group officially we aren't sure how everyone will react. Charlie has locked herself in a apartment apart from her parents.  Elliott is often seen breaking in through an unlocked window because Charlie refuses to unlock the door. 

Surprisingly enough Davis doesn't hold a visible grudge towards me about his daughter.  He doesn't even talk about her unless asked. We always ask. Krista is making bets for cigarettes saying that Charlie will kill herself. Elliott assures us that her sister is just in mourning and will be back in the group functioning in no time. Until then I have picked up some of Charlie's chores to show no hard feelings. I even tried to visit her but she just stayed in there, silent.

Kroger is starting a garden. Benny had a small one but Kroger has green thumbs. Both hands. In the short time he's been here he has made the squash flourish and every leaf on every plant seems happier. Kroger even talks with Benny and his kids. He doesn't talk too much to anyone else though. Buffy says he just is picky about who he warms up to but not to take it personally. Kroger doesn't speak to her either but he is kind in his silence, anyway. 

We are pretty sure that Davis and Krista have hooked up too. Even though Krista is my age and Davis is easily in his fifties, she isn't being covert about it. Lilly just ignores it. Amongst Buffy's group they think that Lilly will join as a sister wife with Benny's crew. 

The heat comes and goes, the abundance of rain has kept the shambling idiots at bay. No one has ventured outside the gate in awhile. We have started a paper inventory of what we have in stock so we can plan on a scavenge mission before we get too low on anything. There are enough of us now that we only have one overnight of watch a week on a rotating schedule. We have scheduled voluntary training Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. We rotate who runs it but mainly it's Davis with his military training.

Awhile ago Benny found a rather old metal push mower that doesn't need gas or electricity. I have found a new love for cutting the grass. It's such a workout! My shoulders have gotten brown from the sun. Buffy likes to count my freckles. 

It's so strange that we are becoming so comfortable in our living situation. Even Imogen is allowed out of the apartment and so far her cries have only attracted a few manageable zombies to the gate. We stab them in the eye socket with a rather large knife with little effort. It seems like the only time we get out of the gate is to collect the bodies and burn them in the pool. 

I can almost relax. I get nightmares. We all get nightmares. But I think I can manage. The only thing I take seriously is myself and my safety.... everything else is a wash.