Shadows

I awoke to knocks on my door. I peered through the peephole and saw Benny and the tomb raider dad and daughters. I opened the door and took a step back so they could enter.

"Hi. We weren't formally introduced the other day. I'm Davis and this is Elliott and Charlie. Lilly is my wife." The girls nodded as their names were called, his wife must be back with the sister wives.

He thrust his hand out in front of him for a handshake and retracted it after a few moments when he realized I was keeping my hands to myself.

"We were going to take care of them stragglers you talked about. Seems as though you've had the most hands on experience... and well, ya want to join us?" Benny asked, breaking the frigid akwardness.

"Erm. Sure. Let me get my shoes." I walked to the bedroom and retrieved my shoes; I joined them in the living room to put them on.

"How did you know about the herd? From my estimations they were an easy four miles away." Davis inquired, apologetically. "You have some Spiderman senses when it comes to ghouls or something?"

"I've been on my own since the second this shit reached the east coast. It's second nature to me. I haven't been stationary in quite a few months, I learned to pay attention to my surroundings." I responded without looking up from my shoe laces. The one thing I made sure to keep stock of was decent shoes. I have three fresh pairs with me at all times. This new location seemed like a good reason to break out a new pair. I'm going to have to find a way to replace these to keep me at three. "I'm sorry, what?" Apparently another question had been asked of me while I had drifted off in shoeland.

"I asked-- You got any weapons? You seem to only have a rather large hunters knife and a miners shovel. We've got some to spare for the trip if you don't, I'm just trying to keep an inventory." Davis tried to keep his voice level. Benny must have told him to play nice or he genuinely appreciated me saving our asses the other day.

"O yeah, I have an escape stash by the road. This will suffice for now, though. Don't you worry." I winked at him. Remember the rules? Don't ever let anyone know what you have.

We used a ladder to get over the wood fence farthest away from the main road. I haven't been stationary in a place so far away from the down town area. It's nice being able to relax. I stopped suiting up like a ninja too. After seeing Knox get a blood spray to the mouth and eyes and not becoming one of those things I loosened up my get up. Not to mention the farther south I went the more I felt like melting I keep my skin covered well enough though so I'm harder to bite. Mainly I wear running gear under my clothes now. It's breathable and clingy. Safe.

Davis took out the first walker with his machete, straight off the fence. We had all agreed no guns unless absolutely necessary and if we did use said gun, we were to cut our trip short and book it home. I had a small gun hidden in the small of my back. I wore a concealed weapon police strap under my shirt. It is what I call a purse gun. I had to alter the strap and I have to wear a running jacket to keep the lump concealed. I've lost so much weight everything sags at least a little on me. These people are skinny but plump, healthy skinny. Healthier, I guess.

We rounded the corner and Benny took out two in the road with his crossbow. The girls rounded out the back and double tapped and dragged the bodies to the center of the road, for clean up later.

"You guys going to bring them all back to the pool?" I ask Davis, who seemed to be keeping a close eye on me.

"Nah, those were bodies from ghouls that either managed to get within the gate or were in the apartments when we claimed the place." He spit out brown nastiness from his chewing tobacco. Barf.

"What will we do with these bodies?" I ask, without saying anything he did a hand motion to the four stop signs at the end of the road. A large black scorch mark and lumps of charred bone answered my question. "You round them up after a sweep and camp out to make sure it doesn't spread?"

"No reason. As long as we burn on a day that isn't windy it stays contained. We will pile up some fallen limbs and finish it off tomorrow. We only burn during the day so the light doesn't attract any at night. If we make a pile tonight and it gets dark before we can spark them, we'll come back in the A-M and finish the job. It takes longer but it's worth it." Davis jogged a few paces ahead of me and brought his blade down on the unsuspecting 'ghoul' as he calls them.

We spent a couple hours being super thorough. We managed to clean up the residence directly behind us, the main road is next. Apparently they had already cleaned up the gas station on the corner the day previous when I was sleeping. Elliott said she got something for me while they were there but for obvious reasons I'd have to wait until we got back to the 301. That's the apartment number for the shared dwelling they meet for lunch most days.

We didn't finish burning the bodies but we decided to head back before dusk kicked in. "Shadows play tricks on you." Charlie had said. I haven't decided if Charlie and Elliott are twins or just really close in age. They have the same tight hay colored buns on their heads like ballerinas and appear to be the same height. They both have hazel eyes and seem to communicate through telepathy. Davis seemed to have been born and bred in the military. From what I understood he has been in the military since he was seventeen and as far back as he understood there was at least one member of his family each generation in the military. Of course his only children would be brought up as such.

We knocked the ladder over once we had all jumped back over the fence. We all ate dinner together at 301 and the girls gave me my gift: a zippo with lighter fluid, a bottle of rum and assorted food items. It was a whole box of stuff, I noted the chocolate tucked away as if they weren't even suppose to know about it. There were a few random brain teasers in the box too. They both smiled at me as I thumbed through the box.

"Without those little nothings, life loses it's grasp and flies away into oblivion." Whispered Lilly as she hugged me on my way back out to my apartment.

Freedom

I think the herd is finally passed. It was strange to have so much silence between the largest group of breathers I've come across in years.

I warned them all about the stragglers. With a herd that large there are bound to be a dozen or so that broke off and are now left behind.

I quietly came back to the apartment, I couldn't sleep in that stuffy attic. We were up there for well over 12hrs. I had to make sure the zombies were out of ear shot a couldn't smell us disperse to our own dwellings.

I'm so tired.

I told them I may skip lunch today. Sleep, I need sleep.

Tomorrow, we hunt.

Lunch

I went.

I went to lunch.

It was....

interesting.


I took note of my appearance. My hair had grown out and was ratty. My clothes hadn't been washed in weeks. My shoes ragged. I looked homeless. My face was smeared with dirt. Lets not even talk about my nether regions...

I'm glad I didn't step closer when I met them earlier. They probably smelled me anyway. Whew.

By some miracle the water pump still worked here but was frigid cold. The cold would have almost bothered me if it wasn't sweltering hot outside. I took my cold shower and walked around the apartment naked. The place was pretty nice. Large leather couch to go with a large flat screen tv. What a brilliantly expensive paperweight. I chuckled to myself as I went into the master bedroom. Male and female clothes were strewn around. Whoever lived here either packed light or had way too much to begin with. The place was spotless, if they died it wasn't within these walls. I put on some leggings and a simple shirt. The clothes didn't fit me perfectly, but at least I wasn't a shambly corpse anymore.

I looked turned around to see the perfectly made bed. I ran my fingers along the edge of the mattress and imagined the couple intertwined, rolling around together. There were a small army of ties in the closet and a few abandoned suits. A straight laced type. Most of the walls were bare. This was either a temporary home or they had just moved in. There is unpacked boxes neatly places around edges of rooms. There wasn't any power on but the apartment was surprisingly tolerable with windows open. I had been sleeping on the floor in the living room and hadn't been in the rest of the place other than to secure it.

On the way over to the Benny people I walked through the courtyard and noticed they had used the drained pool as a burn pit. Clever.

"Welcome!" Benny greeted me at the door. Ten people were scattered around the living room and kitchen. The kids were playing cards in between scoops of something in a bowl. I gave a weak wave. "This is... uhhh, I'm sorry, I don't think we got your name."

I contemplated using my real name or just initial or -- "Beth. My name is Beth." I gave a long exhale, I hadn't realized I had been holding it for so long. So very long.

The entire room did various "Hi Beth"s and I some didn't even look up at me. In addition to the Benny family there were two teenagers and two adults. Three women and a male. They each had handguns strapped to their thighs and hunting knives to their calves. It was very tomb raider. Khaki shorts and all. I couldn't help but notice random skulls artfully placed around like trophies.

"I hope you like beans and pasta." Isabelle said, approaching me with a bowl and spoon. I took the bowl and utensil and took a seat on the floor. I looked down into the bowl: Spinach, maybe Navy beans and elbow noodles. I think there were chunks of tomatoes floating in the bean juice. It looked like a thanksgiving meal. I could smell the goals cooling off on the balcony. They also had all of their windows and doors open. "I made enough for seconds, everybody."

I  hesitated before digging in. Everyone else was eating theirs and quietly talking amongst themselves. The air was thick with negativity and anxiety. I could choke on it. "Look-- maybe I should go." I put my spoon back into the bowl and stood up.

"No, no, no. Now calm down. It's okay. Everybody relax." Benny moderated.

"Why should we relax, Ben? Tell me, how is this procedure, Ben?" The other man asked rather sternly.

"Dad, stop." One of the teenage girls chided.

"Listen. I'm sorry I'm invading whatever you guys have going here. I can leave within the hour." I felt the room relax instantly. "And you can keep your stash. I've done okay so far, I can do it again. I'm not anchored here. You guys are. I've traveled more than a thousand miles on my own, whats a few more?" As I turn towards the door I smell the stench. "Their coming." I say just above a whisper.

"What?" Randi asks, getting to her feet.

"I can smell them. It's got to be a herd." I say, taking it upon myself to close their windows and doors. "Do you guys have an escape route? Panic plan? Anything?"

"The attic. We should go to the attic." Benny said, gathering the children, even the tomb raider family followed their lead. There was a poorly ripped up hole in the ceiling that they put a ladder up to. We all crawled up single file until we were on the second level. The second level just had beds and bedding strewn around with piles of books. Obviously down stairs was the living area while up here was where all the slumber happened. It looked like the sister wives and children all slept with Benny in the living room area turned into a large bedroom. In the master bedroom we single file crawled up a folding ladder that was already pulled down in the empty closet. Randi and Isabelle closed the doors and windows as we all filed up into the attic. The smallest child was whimpering. The attic was big enough for maybe twenty people comfortably but wasn't tall enough for anyone but the children to stand completely upright. I notice an easy months worth of canned goods and yoga mats and pillows for sleeping for a dozen people.

Benny walked bent over to the window facing the road and moved peered out towards the main road. "Which way do you think they're coming from, Beth?"

"From behind us, it felt like." I felt silly saying my words out loud. I sound so much more sure of myself in my head.

"Behind us? Please." The tomb raider dad scoffed. "There is nothing behind us but houses that we've cleared ages ago."

"Haven't you guys ever seen a herd before?" I asked, astonished. In two years there is no way that they have escaped this phenomenon.

"Well, duh, lady." The Dad said, rolling his eyes. Well, it was dark, I assume he rolled his eyes.

We waited in complete silence for twenty minutes before the moans started. It was like an ambulance siren. You hear it before you see it. As the moans got exceptionally louder Benny peered out of the window again, but this time only his eyes peered over. By the look on his face there must have been a rather good sized herd. I rubbed the hilt of my knife nervously. Randi and Isabelle had rocked the kids and themselves to sleep and were quietly snoring in a clump.

Sister wives

I've made a break through. I woke up today and just listened. I could hear children playing. I followed the sound and came across actual children. Playing.
Soccer.

Within the gates of the apartment.

Soccer.

It was almost normal. Soccer. I kept my distance but I watched their happy little faces as they kicked the ball back and forth. I waited for them to scream as I approached but the older one simply called out, "She's here!" And they playfully scampered inside the bottom level apartment. No fear, just simple procedure. A women came out and kept her weapon visible but passive. She smiled at me and told me their names.

Their real names.
Isabelle.
Camron.
Zachary.
Little Avery.

Her husband Benny would be out to greet me shortly.

I kept blinking thinking her expression would fade into grubby, groaning, expressionless grayness. Her smile never wavered. I stammered out that I mean no harm to her or her family. She nodded approval as her husband emerged from the second level apartment, weapon in hand but without aggression.

"Welcome," he says. "We have pretty much secured the area. We've been here since the beginning. The garages have a lot of stable goods we have... Uhh... Acquired... From the surrounding areas. We can give you one garage, free and clear."

I watched him carefully as his mouth formed his words. I watched his wife waiting for a hint of apprehension. I spotted none. Entirely too clean. Something doesn't add up. I don't trust them and if they're really as smart as they say they are they wouldn't trust me either.

"To be honest," he clears his throat, "we need help clearing the neighborhoods and extra hands are always welcome."

Just then another woman emerged from the second level. She was obviously trying to tidy herself. I pursed my lips together in a smirk. I see what he's doing.

"That's Randi. She lives with us too." He said tightly.

I started glancing around their side of the complex.

"There are four more. They are in the apartment next door. They don't much like new people. I guess I'm the spokesman of the group."  He glanced at Randi who had now joined Isabella. Their comfort together just made me queasy. But who am I to judge? It's the end of the world, for fucks sake.

"We try to socialize once a day around noon. Even if its just to check in, get a meal and crawl back into our holes. It's still nice to know you got people, ya know?" He squinted at me, or maybe against the sun, it was a close call. Their apartment was closest to the main road and the main gate exit. Good place to keep an eye on things I guess.

"We've kept our space for a month now but we do have to make sure our people our safe. Okay? So.. uhh.. any day at noon you feel up for it come over so we know we can trust you. K? We all just want to feel safe. Fair?"

I nod. I give a thumbs up. I throw in a wave and double back to my claimed dwelling. Noon, eh? Food sounds so normal. Wait.. a month? I've been here a month???

A fucking month.

What day is it?

It's a roar in my head.

I'm cracking. I can't trust myself to go outside. Outside is death. Filled with death. Death walking. Death roaming.

I hear things. I see things. I swear there is someone in the apartment with me. I hear the cries of death in the echoes of existence. Just because I breathe I can witness life that once was.

No. No. No.

I'm crazy. I'm writing this trying to regain the clarity I once had. My bubble exploded and melted everything I thought I knew like lava.

I can't trust faces. I don't want to kill a breather. Not by mistake, anyway. It would truly break me to kill the friendly neighbors. I'm questioning if they aren't a figment of my imagination to begin with. I've taken to writing on the walls in a room I don't sleep it. I leave thoughts there. I close the door and go back to this echo of reality.

I woke up on the floor, curled up in the fetal position, wondering what day it is. I use to obsess over the Monday through Sunday. I'd pick a favorite day and celebrate with a piece of chocolate or a small glass of wine. It kept me balanced. I've lost the balance. I've started murmuring to myself like that weirdo at the bus stop three lifetimes away.

I need to reconnect with life. I've become a zombie by omission.

Down South

Didn't I say I was going north?

I lied.

Well, I didn't mean to. I mean-- I never I intended to.

It's been years-- right?

I have been carrying around this phone like a good luck charm. It died long ago. I managed to find a solar charger thing. The sun is plentiful here.

I keep getting glimpses from my past. The facts and fiction have blurred so heavily I don't know what is fantasy and real memory. I'm afraid I have lost myself. I just ran. I remember falling in love and then blood... Nothing but blood.

That's past me now. Past. Past.

How did I get here? Bike. Motorcycle. Little Geo looking car. Yes, many ways. Many ways.

I traveled over a thousand miles. I traveled super light and then found a fully stocked hummer. That helped me feel safe the nights I had to sleep parked on the road. It's nerve wracking to sleep under the stars at ground level with faint moans and grunts in the distance.

I got turned around somewhere... Took a wrong highway. I started seeing signs for New Orleans and knew to avoid such a large city but I kept finding the gravitational pull so strong. There is a voice in my head. It won't stop.

I've found a gated apartment complex. It's abandoned for the most part. There is another family trapt here. They don't trust me. That's fine. I don't trust them. I set up on the opposite side of the complex. It's a small complex. Direct doors and cheeky residentials behind it.

We still talk. The neighbors and I. They left a random can of beans and a note: "Plenty of room for all of us. Plenty of resources. No need to fight. Welcome."

I was confused because all I had done was avoid them, but I guess others have passed through wanting anything that wasn't theirs. I took the beans and ate graciously. I had found MREs in the hummer and had stretched them as far as possible but the supply was mighty slim. I had taken to looting gas stations because they were easy for one person and if I avoided the bathrooms and the coolers I sometimes wouldn't even come across a dormant corpse ready to pounce. The hummer saved me. Obviously he was on his way to New Orleans, or from New Orleans?

Like I said, I took a wrong highway somewhere. I have no idea how I ended up here. It's sweltering heat and it rains buckets. The stairs are concrete leading up to my level (of course I will take the second level) so I have to figure that out. I've tied it off about six steps up but that isn't good enough. Zombies can pile up and break the ties too easily or even flip over it. I'm going to have to see what the neighbors have done. I came in on the side they are not on and after cleaning out my area I haven't ventured out much.

The stench here isn't bad or maybe I'm numb to it. This is just a place. Solo is secure. No friends. No allys. Solo is secure. Solo is secure.

Solo is secure.

Thursday

I have had neighbors for a month now. Kore and Knox still sleep across the street but sometimes they sit on my balcony with me and we shoot arrows at the shambling idiots as they pass by. I'm starting to forget what it was like to be so sad. My emotions are getting twisted into theirs. Kore and I have already kissed. It was like heaven.... but I've walked in on her and Knox having sex. (More times than one) So I am refraining from killing him in his sleep while she smiles at me sweetly while he embraces her.

We are three people left in this world and I should be hurt that Kore is basically the only woman we can pass back and forth and be completely okay with it. Knox and I have even had a conversation about it. Kore sometimes slips up and calls him by my name while they have sex. I'm unsure of why he told me. I'm unsure of how I feel about it. Knox shook my hand and like society still existed promised me that he didn't care, he just wanted to get off. Sex helps people keep their head clear, he said. The first time they had sex was the first night they spent on my street. When I had escaped out of the shadow of night and hyperventilated about how much I wished to just embrace Kore, he was fucking her at full advantage of her broken state. Even at the demise of society I am still getting passed up for a heartless prick that just wants to evacuate his juices on an unsuspecting female. It's difficult to be sad about a subject that seems so passe in comparison to everyone I've ever known being dead and trying to consume each other.

It does get to me.

I took a trip. I traveled. It had been many months since I have spread my wings farther than my 10 block radius. I left without a word. I came back to my house untouched but the routine continued as if I never left as far as clean up went. I had to clear my head. I had to get her sweet smell from my nostrils. I was angry when I came back and nothing had seemed to change. The only difference was Kore ran up to me and hugged me and kissed my neck. She whispered how much she had missed me but I could still smell him on her. His nasty musk from not cleaning himself like he should. The infection he is probably spreading within her flesh. It made me disgusted. The first woman I see in over a year and she's allowing herself to be used by a surface desire rather than a deeper passion just waiting to be unleashed. I sometimes fantasize about killing them both and bathing in their blood. I have so much rage within me it's hard to contain it sometimes. Luckily I have an abundance of zombies to take my aggression out on. There is never enough cleaning to be done. To hear the crush of their bones as I make them no longer a threat.

"You know, if all three of us wanted a night together, I'd be okay with that." He said.
"I'm not in love with him, we're just going through something together" She says.
"Hey look over there... that zombie looks like a rotting, disfigured Zach Galifianakis." I say.